The Battle Against Cancer-24(The fear of losing the excitement)

Pocket

The series of The Battle Against Cancer is the illness record from August 2008 until end of December 2010.

The following article is continued from March 24, The Battle Against Cancer-23.


My mental conditions became worse and worse while I was battling against the cancer and at the same time, exerting my best endeavor to reconstruct the company.

One after another, the very important matters in my life until that moment started to fade away.

At one time, my body was not able to take any solid food as my appetite became very low.

It was because I was losing the taste and the amount of salvia became very low due to the after affect of the radiation therapy and taking one of the salivary gland by the surgery.

Furthermore, I started to lose interest in things that I really liked, such as reading books, listening to the music and watching various sports.


The things that had inspired me in the past had no longer inspired me.

When I was reading, I was just following the lines. Nothing had really been understood as I was always thinking about other matters while I was reading.

It was also bothering to listen to the music.

The Ipod my daughter had bought for me to take along while I was going to take a walk and in which she had downloaded many musics, was also left alone without being used.

A lot of dramatic scene of the sports on TV had no longer given me hot impression.

The face in the mirror was just an emotionless face without any natural smile.

My face had stiffened when I tried to smile.


I used to liked to meet with people but I gradually became very negative in meeting with people.

It became even difficult for me to make fake smile.

Further more, I became so exhausted after I met with people.

Gradually, I started to shut my door against the people and further deepened my lonely state.


I truly thought that people are losing their hope like this, one by one, and at the end, they will lose the hope to survive.

I was able to understand the mentality of the people who are cutting off their life.

The former professor of the Tokyo University in medicine, Dr.Hosokawa(1922-1967) who had been well known as a rare prodigy passed away at the age of 44.

He had written various poems and they were materialized and published after he passed away.


In this collection of the poems, there are a lot of memorable poems included.

He knew that he was suffering from cancer but he did not tell that to his attending doctor and wrote in the poem about his feelings.

He describes that “Patient must be patient.”

In his poems, he describes in detailed about the fear of the shadow of the cancer that is gradually invading the body and the soul of the people.

The professor was said to be the record breaking most intellectual students not only in the Tokyo University but also in the Army Medical School.

He had also left a lot of bright records in his career.

It has made me feel a little bit relaxed to know that the person like this was also fearing against this foe named Cancer.


Continuted


都倉 亮 について

1953年生まれ。幼少の頃11年ドイツで過ごし、アメリカンスクールに学ぶ。慶大卒後三井物産に13年勤務。その後会社経営を経て現在執筆を中心に活動。日本の素晴らしい面、世界基準に変えねばならない面を長年の海外生活で培った目で発信して行きたいと思います。
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